Toothpaste
by y-in-flame
Summary: "Have you seen this?" "It appears to be a bill for toothpaste, sir." "Yes. An extremely high bill for toothpaste. Why on Hueco Mundo are we spending so much money on toothpaste!"


Gin stood to the side of the royal chamber, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Despite the appearance of his eyes, he was watching Lord Aizen with growing interest. The ex-captain of the 5th division was sitting in his curved throne, glaring at some documents he had in his hand. Gin tilted his head. That throne would be so comfortable. From what he could see, it even had lumbar support. He decided to try it out after Aizen had retired for the night with his warm milk. Despite how cool it made him look, leaning against the wall all the time made Gin's back ache. The chair would probably do him a world of good.

"Gin. Come here."

Aizen's deep voice distracted him from his plans of throne domination and he made his way to the middle of the room, wondering along the way why Aizen would put his throne in the dead centre of the room. It was the most vulnerable position, after all. One of the more rebellious Arrancar's could jump in ninja style and cero him out of existence.

"Yes sir? How may I help you?"

Gin's voice was smooth as silk. Aizen glanced up, ignoring the ever present grin.

"I'm looking over the bills for this month. Have you seen this?"

He held up a piece of paper. Gin stepped forward and leaned down, squinting at the piece of paper.

"It appears to be a bill for toothpaste, sir."

Aizen glared at the paper, clearly frustrated.

"Yes. An extremely high bill for toothpaste. Why on Hueco Mundo are we spending so much money on toothpaste!?"

It was a mystery. Gin didn't have an answer, and Aizen was so frustrated that he retired early that night, with his warm milk and a cookie, as a treat to soothe his nerves.

In the wee hours of the morning, a shadow stalked along the hallways of Las Noches. In fact, several shadows were stalking along the hallways of Las Noches, but this particular shadow was headed for the throne room. The door opened, the shadow glanced around, and, spotting nobody, snuck into the room and approached Aizen's throne.

"Ahhh," Gin sighed as he sunk into the chair. He was right; it had lumbar support. He could feel his back getting better already. He turned the chair (it was a swivel chair; Aizen goes only for the best), and stared up at the odd crescent moon that was always in the same place in the sky. Gin tilted his head. Maybe that's why Aizen put the chair there, although why he would was beyond the silver haired soul reaper. He continued to stare up at the moon, wishing that a certain full bodied, orange haired, female soul reaper was with him to experience this fantastic chair with its excellent lumbar support. He sighed, and settled back into the chair.

The other shadows that were creeping around the place all congregated in the meeting room. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra sat across from each other, followed by many of the others as they sat at the table. The only two who weren't present were Szayel and Halibel. Yammy was last, bringing in a massive box, followed by a bowl for everyone. Arroniero walked around the table, pouring water into each bowl as the rest of the Espada made small talk.

"Why the hell isn't Halibel here again?"

"You know perfectly well why, Grimmjow. She doesn't trust us not to look."

Grimmjow sniggered.

"Maybe for you, Ulquiorra. I have no interest in her anyway. It's probably Nnoitra she distrusts the most. After all, he sits next to her."

"Hey! It's not just me, you know. It's all you jackasses who sit opposite her she distrusts."

Grimmjow just snorted.

"Whatever. Anyone know about Szayel? What's his excuse?"

The pink haired Espada strolled casually into the room.

"My apologies for being late," he began smoothly. Grimmjow cut him off.

"You know the time as well as the rest of us. Why the hell weren't you here then?"

The scientist glared at Grimmjow before primly taking his seat next to Zommari.

"For your information, I was in Tosen's nest, tricking the security cameras so that Lord Aizen will never know what we do in here every Wednesday morning at 2 AM. The cameras need to be updated every week just in case."

Grimmjow didn't have a response for that, so he kept his mouth shut. Eventually, the noise quieted down and they were all looking at each other. Ulquiorra cleared his throat.

"If we're all here, let's begin."

At the other end of the table, Yammy stood, opening the box. Reaching in, he carefully picked up a small rectangular box and threw it down the end of the table. Ulquiorra caught it, and a few seconds later, Grimmjow caught his. Soon, all the other Espada had their own little boxes, Yammy cradling his in his massive hands.

For a minute, nobody moved. They were staring around at each other, making the situation awkward. Finally, Grimmjow got impatient.

"Oh jeez. Everyone get a grip!"

He reached up with his right hand and clasped the bones on the side of his face. Pulling gently, they departed from his cheek with a click. It was as if he broke the spell. Everyone else moved to where their respective bones were and pulled them off. Ulquiorra detached his half helmet and placed it on the table in front of him. Nnoitra pulled his patch off and pulled the teeth out, along with the rest of the bone on his head.

Starrk pulled the jawbone over his head as Yammy pulled his off. Barragan placed his crown on the table serenely as Szayel simply removed his glasses. Arroniero and Zommari were the only ones left. The Gillian took off his mask to reveal the grinning face of Kaien Shiba, and placed the mask on the table. Zommari calmly lifted his bone necklace over his head as the others opened the boxes they were given.

Once again, Grimmjow was the first to start, the others following suit almost immediately. He pulled a toothbrush out of the box, followed by the tube of toothpaste. Squeezing the toothpaste out onto the toothbrush, he dipped it in the bowl and started scrubbing the teeth.

They were all silent as they focused on their respective scrubbing. An hour went past, then two, until finally, they were all finished. Grimmjow finished rinsing his teeth in the bowl and held them up to the light, inspecting them as if they were a precious jewel. Seeming satisfied, he dried them on his jacket and clicked them back onto his cheek, looking around the table.

Ulquiorra was wiping his helmet down with a towel, making sure it gleamed white. Starrk was asleep, jawbone back in place and feet on the table, head back and snoring. Beside him, Nnoitra was also asleep, patch replaced and bowl pushed to the side. Arroniero was wiping his mask down gently, feet perched on Halibel's empty seat. Yammy was trying to push his jaw back on at the end of the table with little success, while Barragan adjusted his crown, still seeming serene, managing to get it perfectly without even using a mirror. Grimmjow bit back a laugh. He knew the old man was using the water's reflective surface to check.

Szayel had left about an hour beforehand, citing some experiments that needed checking. Next to Grimmjow, Zommari was making sure all the different bones were aligned the same way on his necklace. Grimmjow was just about to put his head down on the table when Szayel came rushing in.

"Quick! Pack it all away!"

Things were silent for about two seconds before everyone sprang into action. Yammy stood, opening the big box the toothpaste had come in and held his hands out. They all threw their toothpaste and toothbrushes down the end of the table, aiming for the box, but actually pelting Yammy with them. Uqluiorra placed his helmet on his head with a snap as all the towels were thrown into the centre of the table. Looking a bit frantic, Szayel grabbed them all and stuffed them into the toothpaste box, picking it up and shoving it under the table.

The bowls were quickly gathered and the water was spilt on Starrk and Nnoitra accidentally, effectively waking them up and forcing them to move. The bowls were tossed towards them and they quickly found a storeroom not far down the hall and shoved them in. Grimmjow quickly ran a spare towel down the table to remove any evidence of toothpaste that might have been left behind before throwing the towel under the table to join the box.

With all the rushing around, Arroniero and Barragan stayed in their seats, Arroniero still wiping his mask down gently. His feet were still on Halibel's seat and he didn't even notice when she sonido'd into the room. She stared down at him from over her collar and kicked his legs out of the way. His chair went flying backwards and crashed into Yammy. Arroniero's mask went skidding down the table. Grimmjow caught it before it could fall off, and sent it flying back up the table. Barragan caught it with two fingers as Arroniero and Yammy disentangled themselves from around the chair.

Halibel seated herself primly as Nnoitra and Starrk came flying back into the room to seat themselves in the chairs down from her. Ulquiorra cleared his throat and all movement stopped. They could hear footsteps in the hall. Arroniero quickly picked his chair up and sat in it, putting his mask back on. Yammy sat next to him and everyone assumed an air of boredom. That is, until they all noticed the toothbrush in the centre of the table. The air grew unbelievably tense, but before anyone could grab it, Aizen, Tosen and Gin entered the room.

A new kind of silence descended over the Espada. It was what happened when Aizen entered a room. Not really respectful, but mindful of the fact that the supreme ruler of Hueco Mundo still had cookie crumbs around his mouth.

"How nice of you all to assemble so quickly. And at this hour of the morning. My word, you all look startlingly awake."

As Aizen was talking, Grimmjow felt a very hard, very painful kick to the leg. Disguising his flinch as shifting in his chair, he turned to see who could have done it. Ulquiorra was the culprit, giving him a hard green glare. Grimmjow glared right back before noticing how the white Espada's eyes flitted to the toothbrush and back to Grimmjow accusingly. The blue haired Espada almost let out a groan before shaking his head minutely with an innocent stare.

"Grimmjow? Ulquiorra? Is there something you want to share with the rest of us?"

They looked at each other before Ulquiorra cleared his throat.

"I was just reminding Grimmjow of a job he was supposed to do. He didn't complete it properly and I was merely making sure he knew."

Grimmjow scoffed.

"Whatever. That wasn't my fault, ok? There were... issues on how the job was supposed to be completed."

"Then you should have made sure that there were no issues."

"You're starting to piss me off, Ulquiorra," Grimmjow growled.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah really."

"And what are you going to do about it?"

Grimmjow held up his hand, a red light starting to form. Ulquiorra looked amused.

"You're going to cero me? That's a bit risky. After all, I am two ranks above you."

The cero grew bigger and bigger. Just before he let it explode, Ulquiorra reached out, fast as lightning and tapped Grimmjow's hand down the table. Yammy and Arroniero quickly dived out of the way as the red light rocketed down the table, making a crater in the wall and producing a cloud of dust. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra stared at each other before calmly sitting back down. Aizen looked between the two of them, amused and bemused at the same time.

"Have you sorted your differences?"

"We have," stated Grimmjow, eyes closed and a smirk on his face.

Aizen looked at Ulquiorra who also had his eyes closed, leaning back in his chair with his legs crossed and hands in his pockets.

"I see."

Arroniero and Yammy pulled themselves back up into their seats, glad that they hadn't been hit by the cero. As Aizen got down to business, (although what business he could have possibly had at four-thirty in the morning was beyond the Espada), none of the Espada were listening. They were too busy staring at the spot where the toothbrush used to be, in the centre of the scorch marked table, destroyed by Grimmjow's cero.

After another hour of pointless prattle from their supreme leader (who still had cookie crumbs around his mouth), they were all dismissed. Aizen was the first to leave, followed by Tosen. Gin lingered, standing behind Aizen's chair. None of the Espada moved for a number of minutes, until Halibel stood up.

"You boys are all complete morons."

She sonido'd from her spot to behind Grimmjow. He held up his hand and she slapped it.

"But that was very good, Grimmjow, Ulquiorra."

She disappeared from the room. The other Espada looked around at each other before focusing their attention on Gin. The silver haired soul reaper was clapping.

"Very good, boys, very good. Excellently executed, pardon the pun."

He turned and started to leave. Grimmjow stood.

"If you tell Aizen, we'll tell him that you sit in his throne every night."

Gin stopped and turned his head.

"Don't worry, secret's safe with me. Besides, wouldn't you want Aizen to have to continually adjust his chair every morning?"

The soul reaper turned to leave, hand in the air.

"Have fun with your communal bone scrubbing, boys. And don't forget the towels in the box under the table. Don't want them to get mouldy, now do we?"

Aizen couldn't figure out why his chair was never in the same position he left it in the day before. He also could never figure out why the Espada's visible bones were so blindingly white every Wednesday morning. Suffice it to say, the bill about the toothpaste was never resolved.


End file.
